Control and Progress

I recently posted about how BEIGE I found Indianapolis.  Well, that was before the early spring triggered an explosion of color in this 'burg!  Pale pink dogwood blossoms, yellow daffodils, deep green grass, lavender trees, red tulips... a riot of color.   The beige has certainly blown away.

I am reminded how nature will continue to move forward, no matter what we do.  Global warm the place?  Ok, spring will still arrive, just earlier.  Vines will grow, bees will pollinate, ants will find their way inside my housemate's bedroom and freak her out... it seems impossible for nature to stagnate and cease its cycle.  Even death is not a full stop but a necessary part of that cycle.

This week I spent an incredible amount of time and money and effort to fly home for an audition.  I was happy I did so, regardless of the outcome.  However, when I found out today I didn't book the job, I wasn't really disappointed or upset - I was frustrated by the lack of control I felt.

An actor relinquishes nearly all control in his career: someone else decides to represent you, someone else decides to give you an audition appointment, someone else decides if they think you're a fit for their project, someone else decides where you should stand and how they want you to interact with other actors, someone else decides (in print) if they think you did a good job or not.  We are in control of very personal things related to our craft, but do not have a hand in the grand machine.

So the frustration nags for a moment, until I remind myself that I did a great audition (the casting director wrote my agent, "Loved hearing her sing that material!").  And that I even said the effort of going on this audition was just as valuable a building block of my career as booking a job.  And that just as the Japanese maple blooms and the daffodils burst, headway is being made.

It is not necessary to have a stranglehold of control to make vibrant, important progress.