1) I part ways with an Australian fellow who made a series of bad choices which ultimately killed our relationship. The last correspondence was an email I sent about two years ago which basically said, "I don't hate you, just leave me be, okay?" The other day, he calls me. It's 4am in Melbourne, so he's probably drunk. I let it go to voicemail. When I listen to it, yup, he sounds blasted. He says he's had two years to think about the things I said in that email, and then hangs up.
2) A longtime male friend (full disclosure: with whom there had been some occasional kissing in the past, but not for ages and it was no longer a factor,) blew off a trip I'd invited him on. Since we had been very close but hadn't hung out for a while, I was hoping the little jaunt would provide a long-overdue catch-up. Well, he dropped the ball, enough so I missed a travel deal, and ultimately had to go on this trip alone. Nearly three months go by, not a peep from him. I run into him the other day and he says he's leaving town for good, didn't I get the Facebook invite to his going-away party? Uh, nope.
3) An attractive guy I meet at an event flirts with me outrageously in front of his girlfriend. She pops off to chat with people across the room, and he kisses me full on the mouth.
4) During three months on match.com, I send about fifteen emails to fellows paired up with me. Guess how many respond? One. And when I answer his message, I never hear from him again.
These are just four little items that have recently converged to force me to ask, "What gives?" Ultimately I'm not selfish and egotistical enough to think that these are personal affronts. But I have to laugh through my perplexity. I don't get it. Is it the nature of men, that whole Mars/Venus thing that I just don't understand? Or is it me, somehow, attracting this kind of behavior unknowingly?
I have a friend who gets a giggle out of the crazy situations I find myself in. He says, "Only you, Annie, only you." Well, that can't be true, only me. But I am at a point in my life where all I'm looking for is a partner in crime, a lover and best friend to share my wonderful life with. I make it sound simple, because I think it should be simple, and yet I know it's not a simple thing. However these roadblocks are confounding and annoying and give me less hope that what I am looking for is actually out there.
I'd love to give up - at this point, sometimes I'd really like to give up. But I can't. So I guess I just have to endure the irresponsible ones, the selfish ones, the disloyal ones, the uncommitted ones.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll find out that "what gives" is that I will keep slogging through this mess and ultimately earn my partner in crime. That would be nice.
